Everybody thinks that they know exactly how to raise kids...when they don't have kids. When you've got the time to sit and ponder and think and spend days, weeks, potentially months finding solutions to complex problems of child behavior it all seems so simple. The truth of the matter is that you are never going to have all of the answers readily at your disposal. You will make good decisions and bad decisions. Some days will go smoothly, some will go very badly. You will be exhausted most days and the answers that once seemed so clear in the silence of your pre-child life will be increasingly absent as you go along. You will try your best, and that's all you can do. Others will constantly criticize you for decisions you make and how you handle things with your children. Especially people who have no kids. Don't waste too much time trying to explain yourself to them or trying to justify yourself to them. They just simply don't understand what life is like with kids. And that's OK. That's just part of the process.
Everyone always said to enjoy the little moments while your children are young. That they grow up so fast. I can tell you now that this is absolutely true. The whirlwind of baby to infant to toddler to child sweeps you up one day and by the time your are set back down and have your wits about you, that little baby that you brought home from the hospital is grown. Month by month you see pieces of your kids fall away into the abyss of the past. But that's OK, because as pieces fall away and you mourn their loss, new pieces are being discovered and picked up each and every day. It is a journey, and if you don't sit down and take a second to admire it for the chaotic storm of beauty that it is, it will pass you by while you're bitter about losing the life you once had.
Which brings me to my final point. Your life will never be the same once you have kids. Stop trying to hold on to it. Stop trying to defend it and keep it from changing. Kids grow, and one day you can and will return to a semblance of what life used to be before them. But while they are young and while they demand so much of your time and effort and thought and patience, keep your attention in the here-and-now. In the early years of your children's lives you will undoubtedly lose yourself. There is no preventing it. Who you are at the core will change, and you will spend each and every day doing things that, a few years ago, you never would have imagined. Nothing is done for yourself. You will be lucky to have a few minutes each day to glance at your phone or open up a game and relax. That's just how it goes. Embrace it while it lasts. Because one day your kids are going to walk out of that door and head out into the big wide world and you will finally get all of the time you could ask for. But, my assumption would be that in those moments, all you will want is for your kids to walk back into that front door and bug you again. Just for a little while.
So breathe. If you are stressed, exhausted, and drowning in parenthood, know that this is normal. Know that you are doing everything that you can to make these kids have the best childhood possible. That's why you feel the way you do, and that's OK. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Repeat. Look at this in the grand scheme of your life, rather than the localized thunderstorm that it seems to be. Focus on the chaos as a temporary beauty rather than a permanent problem. See the toddler throwing a tantrum as a memory you will share with them around a campfire many years from now. See the 2am feedings as wisdom to pass down to them when/if they decide to have children. See the trials of parenthood as something to be remembered fondly later in life when you can say, "we did it. we made it." See your children's desire to interact with you every single minute of every single day now as a blessing when they spend a decade or two trying to do the opposite later. Smile and don't take things so personally. If they make a mess, smile and clean it up. If they drive you insane, breathe, and keep pressing forward. You will make it. Everything is going to be OK. You are a good parent.
Everyone always said to enjoy the little moments while your children are young. That they grow up so fast. I can tell you now that this is absolutely true. The whirlwind of baby to infant to toddler to child sweeps you up one day and by the time your are set back down and have your wits about you, that little baby that you brought home from the hospital is grown. Month by month you see pieces of your kids fall away into the abyss of the past. But that's OK, because as pieces fall away and you mourn their loss, new pieces are being discovered and picked up each and every day. It is a journey, and if you don't sit down and take a second to admire it for the chaotic storm of beauty that it is, it will pass you by while you're bitter about losing the life you once had.
Which brings me to my final point. Your life will never be the same once you have kids. Stop trying to hold on to it. Stop trying to defend it and keep it from changing. Kids grow, and one day you can and will return to a semblance of what life used to be before them. But while they are young and while they demand so much of your time and effort and thought and patience, keep your attention in the here-and-now. In the early years of your children's lives you will undoubtedly lose yourself. There is no preventing it. Who you are at the core will change, and you will spend each and every day doing things that, a few years ago, you never would have imagined. Nothing is done for yourself. You will be lucky to have a few minutes each day to glance at your phone or open up a game and relax. That's just how it goes. Embrace it while it lasts. Because one day your kids are going to walk out of that door and head out into the big wide world and you will finally get all of the time you could ask for. But, my assumption would be that in those moments, all you will want is for your kids to walk back into that front door and bug you again. Just for a little while.
So breathe. If you are stressed, exhausted, and drowning in parenthood, know that this is normal. Know that you are doing everything that you can to make these kids have the best childhood possible. That's why you feel the way you do, and that's OK. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Repeat. Look at this in the grand scheme of your life, rather than the localized thunderstorm that it seems to be. Focus on the chaos as a temporary beauty rather than a permanent problem. See the toddler throwing a tantrum as a memory you will share with them around a campfire many years from now. See the 2am feedings as wisdom to pass down to them when/if they decide to have children. See the trials of parenthood as something to be remembered fondly later in life when you can say, "we did it. we made it." See your children's desire to interact with you every single minute of every single day now as a blessing when they spend a decade or two trying to do the opposite later. Smile and don't take things so personally. If they make a mess, smile and clean it up. If they drive you insane, breathe, and keep pressing forward. You will make it. Everything is going to be OK. You are a good parent.
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