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Mortem

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How will i leave this world?  Do you ever wonder such things as I do?  One day I will wake up and it will be for the final time.  But how will I go?  Will it be violent?  Will I feel pain?  How far away from that moment am I right now?  Was this morning the last time that I will ever see my wife?  Who in my life will I be forced to watch depart before I am relieved of my mortal duties?  Who will I leave behind to mourn in solitude?  I have no desire to return to the infinite void of non-existence that I came from, but it seems I have no choice in the matter.  What placid window into reality was I given?  What is the extent?  Why was this given to me?  Is there any other way that this existence could have gone?  Did I really have the choices that I thought I did?  My death, no matter when it comes, will come too soon.  I am but a flash of light in a seemingly endless sea of time and place.  It seems almost cruel that I would be given this brilliant experience of life but limited to such a small amount of time.  Like giving a drop of water to a man dying of thirst.  How torturous to even imagine.  I suspect that I will never be truly ready to depart this life that I have been lucky enough to have, but I hope that when the time comes for me to do so that those around me know that I loved them more than I should have.  I hope that I can say that I made some bit of difference in the world, no matter how insignificant it may be.  I hope that at some point in this life, even if only briefly, I can say that I helped someone to become better than they were before.  The day will come when I finally close my eyes for the last time, whether I am prepared for it or not.

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