I vividly remember a time when I was younger that I was dating a girl who, at the time, I was infatuated with. My every action was for her greater well-being. There were many times where I remember stating and truly believing that I would do anything for her. Overlook any mistakes, or imperfections, or any trespass on poor judgment. When she decided to walk away from the relationship, I found myself in a very deep depression. Primarily, I believe, since I had invested so much of myself into the relationship and to her. At the time I was fully broken and was unsure how I could possibly live my life now without her. Yet, here I sit, some nine years later with a good job, great friends, an amazing wife, and financial stability. How silly I was in that moment from my current perspective.
Similarly, when I was nine years old, a new pastor and his family moved into the house across from my childhood home. They had four children, two daughters and two sons. The youngest of their sons would become my best friend for the vast majority of my youth. We did everything together. We shared every victory, every heart break, every funny story. Almost literally inseparable. That was, until the day his father decided to move on to a new church in the state of Maine. As you can imagine, the thought had never really crossed my mind that this would ever become a reality. Nevertheless, a few weeks later, we stood in the driveway of that house across the street, now empty and eerily silent, saying our goodbyes. With tears in our eyes we said farewell, and promised that we would always stay in touch. Once again, as the years passed and our lives changed the messages and phone calls came slower and slower until now I would be surprised if we recognized each other any more. Yet once again, I feel no real sadness over this. My life and my heart have continued on irreverent of this fact and I am now at a place where this reality no longer pains me.
There have been many moments throughout my life that now ring with this same hollow feeling. Almost as though I'm looking back at my life through the eyes of someone else. I often reflect on this and wonder if the people in my life now will ever fall into this cycle? Will I one day look back on my life right now, the friends I have, the life I live, and see it as just a fleeting memory? A brief flash in time that is fallen away now beyond recall? It brings to light the all-to-real thought that, maybe the bindings of our lives that we cling to so desperately are not as strong as we like to think? Perhaps the things that we think we cannot live without are simply constructs that we create in our minds to justify the decisions we have made? There have been so many people in my life that have come and gone, each one as seemingly irreplaceable as the last, yet here I sit, persisting without them. Sometimes I like to wonder what they are doing, where they are, how they got to where they are now. Do they still think back fondly on me in the same way? Am I still part of their brain? Or have I completely fallen into a sea of meaningless faces of the past? Are our relationships and bonds in life actually as strong as we make them out to be? Or are they subject to the relentless erosion of time that everything else is? These things I wonder...
Similarly, when I was nine years old, a new pastor and his family moved into the house across from my childhood home. They had four children, two daughters and two sons. The youngest of their sons would become my best friend for the vast majority of my youth. We did everything together. We shared every victory, every heart break, every funny story. Almost literally inseparable. That was, until the day his father decided to move on to a new church in the state of Maine. As you can imagine, the thought had never really crossed my mind that this would ever become a reality. Nevertheless, a few weeks later, we stood in the driveway of that house across the street, now empty and eerily silent, saying our goodbyes. With tears in our eyes we said farewell, and promised that we would always stay in touch. Once again, as the years passed and our lives changed the messages and phone calls came slower and slower until now I would be surprised if we recognized each other any more. Yet once again, I feel no real sadness over this. My life and my heart have continued on irreverent of this fact and I am now at a place where this reality no longer pains me.
There have been many moments throughout my life that now ring with this same hollow feeling. Almost as though I'm looking back at my life through the eyes of someone else. I often reflect on this and wonder if the people in my life now will ever fall into this cycle? Will I one day look back on my life right now, the friends I have, the life I live, and see it as just a fleeting memory? A brief flash in time that is fallen away now beyond recall? It brings to light the all-to-real thought that, maybe the bindings of our lives that we cling to so desperately are not as strong as we like to think? Perhaps the things that we think we cannot live without are simply constructs that we create in our minds to justify the decisions we have made? There have been so many people in my life that have come and gone, each one as seemingly irreplaceable as the last, yet here I sit, persisting without them. Sometimes I like to wonder what they are doing, where they are, how they got to where they are now. Do they still think back fondly on me in the same way? Am I still part of their brain? Or have I completely fallen into a sea of meaningless faces of the past? Are our relationships and bonds in life actually as strong as we make them out to be? Or are they subject to the relentless erosion of time that everything else is? These things I wonder...
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