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Introversion

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I have often had the problem of being a self condemned introvert.  Being in constant social interactions is exhausting.  Even when I'm with people that I love, after awhile I feel stretched thin and just, run down.  I frequently must return to solitude to recharge my batteries.

I was thinking about this today and I believe the reason for this, at least in my case, is that when I'm alone I can just let my thoughts run free and my consciousness follows those thoughts at will.  I can plot out the next few hours, days, years of my life, I can think of what I want, I can ponder the path of how to get to those things that I want, and I can reflect on what I have already done.  However, when I'm with other people, I realize that I am no longer able to just fall into myself like that.  I must remain external.  I must remain on the outside of my own brain and be constantly listening and interacting with those around me.  Therefore, I'm completely unable to visualize what I want to do, think of interesting things to do, find a way to make it happen.  Nothing.  I expend so much focus on the social interactions of adhering to social etiquette, actively listening to statements and questions, thinking of responses to these statements that are directed at me, that I am distracted from the "me".  I lose myself.  I am forced to disconnect from my own thoughts, and I am instead forced to react to the thoughts of others.

So when I have not been able to just sit by myself and fall into my own thoughts, I feel disconnected.  Unfulfilled.  Sort of stretched and empty.  I have no substance because I've had no time to think of anything worth pondering.  Therefore, if I am ever short with you, or seem somewhat distant, please know that I am not unhappy with you.  I am not angry with you.  I am simply needing to take some time to get back in touch with myself and my own thoughts.  I will be back, and I can promise you that you have nothing to worry about.  The life of an introvert.  What a strange thing...

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